HM Revenue & Customs

I went to see Andrew (my accountant) today to sign this year’s 3rd trimester VAT declaration. Discovered that all the things I’d bought online for the business are not valid for declaring. Great, fantastic. So on paper, I actually made a profit! Ah!

I’d bought equipment for a new office; logistical stuff; things for the last trade fair and the shed to use as a warehouse ONLINE and had it delivered to my home. Most online purchases do not offer an option for invoicing, there were no prompts for imputing VAT numbers. Andrew suggested that I should have bought all these things in store so that invoices, with my VAT number, can be issued. Is he serious?

This afternoon, I received a chain email from Sage, Europe’s largest business software company. They made the announcement below in light of the new legislations:

1.VAT Rate
Firstly, on Jan 1 2010, the VAT rate is going to change back to 17.5% and this is set to affect almost every business
2.EC Sales List Submissions
Secondly, from the same date, it won't only be sales of goods to the EC that need to go on all EC Sales List submissions – sales of services must be recorded too. This will affect your business if you're registered for VAT in the UK and supply services to traders registered for VAT in other EC Member states
3.VAT Filing
Thirdly, under Government proposals many businesses will need to start submitting their VAT returns online after Apr 1 2010. This will apply to all businesses that are VAT registered and have a turnover of more than £100,000, as well as those businesses who register for VAT after Apr 1 2010.

Point 1-VAT Rate. Has the government gone bonkers? An increase of 2.5% (from 15% to 17.5%) in VAT would seriously affect most UK business and could mark the downfall for businesses already crippled by the economic crisis. Furthermore, it will mean that the average house hold will have an increase of 2.5% to their annual expenditure on most goods ( foods, books and children’s shoes & clothes are exempt and will remain at their current rates I presume) The affective date is 1 Jan 2010 and not 1 April. Surely it will be  book-keepers’  nightmare come true.

I haven’t heard about the VAT increase in any of the media sources. I receive, on average, two letters per week from HM RC for one thing or another, but nothing about the VAT changes, nor information about the other 2 points for that matter.

I’ve absolutely no doubt that news of the VAT increase will break out in mass media at the onset of the Christmas buys. Dirty ploy by the government to create a massive spending frenzy and utilise New Year’s hang overs to soften the blow. On one hand the extra cash flow will aid to ease the recession, on the other, it will mean more revenue for the government. Still it’s simply deplorable. What happened to all those billions they pumped into the banks? Have you seen any of it? Cos I haven’t! Why don’t they just scrap the Trident Defence, which would release some 20 billion? Why suck the pennies out of the citizens to balance the sheets?

2. Point 2- EC Sales Submission List (ESL). This point has major implications for me as most of my clients are from other EU states. The ‘propaganda’ sprill; reducing fraud; reducing time for submitting for ESLs is simple bullocks.  But there is good news; a brand new electronic system which will be introduced across EU for VAT claims from other state members using a standardise form through the UK Government Gateway, rather than direct to the Member State of Refund as of present. Pure Mozart to my ears! If you’ve had any dealings with the French  Direction Generale Des Finances Republiques, you can share my euphoria. Bastards, still owe me thousands of euros of 19.6% TVA (VAT) that I pay to exhibit at Paris trade fairs.

3. Point 3- Vat Filing. Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!! I’d almost fell over when I saw this point. Relate it to my online buys. What’s apparent is that the UK administration lags behind the Spanish. My Spanish my accountant had been submitting my VAT returns online ever since I opened the business in 2002.

Is it Destiny?

Some people have asked me why I chose Twickenham to rebase myself. I have neither family nor friends around this part of London. Initially I had my mind set on the SE of London, simply to be close to my brother who has 2 girls of similar ages to my two daughters, also it was close to the East and North (where the majority of family & friends live). In June 2009, I flew out from Barcelona and had spent 1 whole day viewing 10 properties to rent in the SE. After the viewings, I returned to my mum’s home and my gut was churning. Instinctually there was a revolt ion against the idea of living in the SE. I went to university in SE18, and had lived the first year in halls of residence between Sidcup and Eltham. My memories of these areas were anything but fond.

That weekend,  still in London, I searched deep into my psyche to think of another area. Major deciding factors were: good schoolings, greenery with nice parks, nice neighbourhood, easy transport to London and minimal chav (yes, but they’re everywhere aren’t they!). I played some flashbacks with the people I knew or had known in the past and where they lived. Looking back,the best place I've  lived in was on Hornsey Lane in NW with my then partner. The road is laddened with mature trees and grandiose Victorian, Edwardian houses which have been split into flats. Some of the houses had made way to multiblocks with communal gardens and private parking. Our flat was in a purpose built block which backed onto dense undergrowth and trees, in which lies a disused railway track.

From this track, came one of the most memorial images of my time in London. Early one morning, having tossed and turned all night, I awoke at 5am, stood in front of the enormous kitchen window and lit a cigarette. Still half asleep, I saw a large creature emerging from the railway track. It was a deer. It came onto the lawn of the communal garden and stood there silently for a moment or two before disappearing again into the undergrowth. Amazing! It was such an enlightening moment. Hampstead Heath was not far away from Hornsey Lane and obviously the disused railway track provided a safe thoroughfare for deers.

My ideal place to live in London would be the Hampstead Suburbs. Clearly, it was way out of the question. Then came the clink! Richmond! I once visited Richmond Park whilst working as a research entomologist and had spent a wonderful day with my colleague, Dave, collecting deer ticks. Our boss, Nick, lived in Richmond and had got news that lyme disease had broken out within the deer population in Richmond Park. He wanted specimens!

So Richmond here I come………NOT! As I surfed the net for properties to rent, I understood very quickly that a 3 bedroom house with front and rear garden in Richmond is so way out of my diminished budget. St. Margarets which borders onto Richmond was also out. So I decided to go further west, the options were:- Isleworth, Hampton, Teddington and Twickenham. The definitive clincher was Twickenham Rugby stadium! It was the only land mark in the area (apart from Kew Gardens, Hampton court) that I recognised, plus the Osted reports for schools in the area were good or excellent.
I viewed 4 properties and decided on a favourite.

It has been three months since the relocation. The transport is great and shopping brilliant. At Twickenham centre there’s a mix of village feel around the church and the riverside walks. The high street sports a very mix; about six charity shops, Iceland, M&S food, Waitrose, Laura Ashley, fishmonger, other shops are just obsolete. Luckily, Richmond is only a 10 minutes bus ride away and is jammed packed with well know high street brands. There’s a House of Fraser, Habitat, M&S, Waterstones and most importantly for me, Whistle and Max Mara. For Nuria, there’s a Claire’s.

Before school had commenced, we went shopping for shoes in Richmond. Nuria and Maxine find Clarks too tamed, but mummy knows best! Anyhow, black shoes are mandatory in British schools so Nuria's Converse and Vans will be collecting dust on the shelf.
We stopped off at Pitcher & Piano to have some tea. This swanky bar/café sits on the banks of the Thames which overlooks the bridge. It’s such a pretty spot that it’s worth paying the extoroniate prices.
It was a quiet sunny afternoon as we sat on the terrace facing the river. The girls quietly chit-chatting, admiring the view as they slurped chocolate shakes and ate chocolate muffins. Suddenly I hear a voice from the table behind us. The man was talking on his mobile. I’m not one for name or face recognition, but I definitely don’t forget a voice and I know that voice! I swirled round and gasped a whopping great PIP! Having heard his name called out, the man shot a sharp puzzling look. How rude of me to have interrupted his call, but the reaction was totally involuntary.

We ordered more café du crème and commenced a long conversation. Pip (Crispin Burgess) is the son of Dr. Nicholas Burgess, my ex boss of the entomology department at the Royal Army Medical College, MOD. We had met there briefly whilst I was finishing my placement year of my degree. Pip was into his final year and was to set to become a hot shot financial trader, along with all the pin striped suits in the city. But questioned his career path and decided to take a year out. Dr Burgess decided to put Pip to use in the college, basically doing chores and re-designing the archive system. As it turned out, after I’d left the college, Dr Burgess sent Pip to the military base in Borneo for the remainder of his year out.

Dr Burgess retired long ago and moved,with his wife, to the country home in Sussex. Pip had just returned from 5 years abroad and is now living in and managing the family home in Richmond. Like his father, Pip re-directed his career path and became a scientist. He’s a heart surgeon. Though has spent the last 5 years with Medical without Frontiers in Africa. .

What’s ironic is that I fancied Pip back in 1991 and I definitely fancied him now!
Pip and I have become good friends in a short space of time. We have spent some leisure time together with my girls and perhaps I will send the children to their gran’s for the weekend soon!

I’ve never believed in coincidences. Things happen for a reason and that somehow we make the choices we make for some sublimininal reasons.

I cannot help but wonder about the events leading up to my relocation and the three months  being here have made this encounter with Pip possible.
I ponder on key points:

1. Richmond – Before selecting an area to re-base myself when I cast memories of past acquaintances, I had remembered that Dr. Burgess lived in Richmond.

2. Which lead to the tick hunt in Richmond Park. The park and the deers were contributing reasons as to why I picked Richmond Borough to relocate.

3. MOD – my entry on my blog. I had not given the MOD any thought for over 18 years. Why had the war in Afghanistan raked up the MOD when other wars/conflicts failed?

4. Tobin Tax – The last time I heard Tobin Tax mentioned was donkey years ago. My friend, Gary, recently made an entry in his blog entitled Tobin Tax to which I made a comment. It was Pip who had explained Tobin tax to me back in 1991.

Destiny perhaps.

Not sure what will develop between Pip and I. But initial signs are positive. And if he wants do practice heart surgery on me, then I can’t think of another patient who so deservedly needs heart surgery!

Arty Anish

The much anticipated Anish Kapoor exhibition at the Royal Arts Academy opened its doors on 26 September. The show had been highly publicised in the media. Posters plastered all over underground stations. We've been, anxiously, waiting to see the show ever since it opened. Phuc’s visit to London was perfectly timed to plan a rendezvous around the W1 area.

Phuc and I had arranged to meet in Chinatown for dim sum prior to visiting the exhibition. As we alighted at Leicester Square station and turned left into Chinatown, the familiar Chinese food smell whacked us straight in the face. The pavement was blackened with grease from all the restaurants and food stores. The remnants of last week’s Moon Festival celebrations still remained; red lanterns still hung across Gerrard and Lisle Street, speciality food stands were still attempting to flog off the rest of the foods. To Nuria’s delight, the Dragon Beard sweet stand was still there.

I don’t remember the last time I ate in Chinatown, so before meeting Phuc and his friends Anja and Robert, I had consulted my sister as to which restaurant had the best dim sum. It was good to know that most eateries had still retained their excellence and she had named the Jade Garden being one of them. This was  reassuring  as I know the restaurant pretty well.

The meal was excellent. As always, we ordered too much food. Luckily we had Maxine on board and considering she’s only 8 years old, managed to devour a good portion.

After the meal, we rambled back down Gerrard St to get some  dragon beard and went into a handicraft shop. I’ve often wondered why oriental non-food stores all smell the same. It’s a pungent smell of faint incense mixed with the smell of dust, grease and, weirdly, Asian hair! Yes, hair! Some Asians exude this  smell which is pretty much indescribable. If I had to say what it is, I’d say it’s the smell of MSG with a hint of body odour. Repulsive it is not, but it’s not at all pleasant.
We bought a box fortune cookies and I tried on some traditional cheongsam.

On we went down Piccadilly to Green Park. Phuc took us down Dover Street Market, a bohemian arty four storey shop which housed much of Come des Garcons (CDG) clothing with a few bits of accessories, house hold stuff and few branded names. Phuc came to London with a suitcase of black clothes. CDG's autumn/winter 2009 collection is entirely black. Phuc is a conceptual artist and everything he does, or in this case, wears, tides in with a particular concept he has in mind. He combined Garcons’s theme and his London visit: black. Not sure whether Phuc knows, but CDG, rarely design clothes in any other colour but black.

As we whizzed through the store, I was amazed by the high price tags on the clothes. 60 quid for a cotton shopping bag with the CDG printed logo. Flimsy cotton shirts ranged from £250 to £300. Silk knitted grandma like knickers started at £250. Jackets and coats from £1700 upwards.

“Jesus Christ” I said. “Fair enough that the designs are unique, but the qualities of the fabrics were poorer than that of Mango! The finishes are complete shites. It’s what you’d expect of design undergraduates collection not that of an established brand”.

I picked out a to die for Nina Ricci leather jacket, £ 3900!
“Yes, but it’s worth it, feel the quality of the leather and look at the workmanship” I said. Phuc agreed.

I spotted a pair snake skinned high heeled Italian shoes. Wow! The shoes were works of art. On the top floor, there were pairs of shaw- green inlay dainty 1940s shoes and squared toed black metallic coloured high heels. Price tagged……well, lets just say, unimaginable! It was time to exit. This was not therapeutic shopping!

Anja was getting tired and made it very clear that  never in a million years would she go into an art exhibition. So we said our farewells. I liked Anja and Robert a lot. They had an air  humility and an aura about them which draws you to them. I hope to see them again in the near future.

The queue to the ticket office at the academy extended back to the end of the courtyard. We waited patiently in the queue as Maxine artistically took tens of photos of the gigantic sculpture and the masonry work in the square.

The academy was teeming with people. At the entrance of the exhibition we were met by was an overwhelming  rusted metal tubular piece, which I’m sure if we had the time or space to admire would give greater appreciation. Denied of privacy and connection due the vast flow of people, I named this piece Arse Hole.

The first sala contained various cemented sculptures Greyman Cries, Shaman Dies, Billowing Smoke, Beauty Evoked which Phuc aptly named Shit! I absolutely agreed with him. It was cement that had been squeezed through different sized tubes to create differing textures which interwove each other. Yet, walking around the wooden pallets on which these works were mounted, one felt an awe of weariness and familiarity. Phuc beautifully described them as the shapes one makes as a child playing with wet sand on a beach.

We moved onto the second sala which contain the highlight of Kapoor’s exhibition; a giant wax installation titled Svayambh. Maxine and Nuria had been looking forward to seeing this piece which they described as a gigantic moving lipstick. The only problem was that the piece was moving so slow that one could not see any movement. It was like watching paint dry. This was Kapoor’s main attraction, so as you can imagine the sala was almost impenetrable due to the mass of people. What a shame.

Phuc commented how pathetic people are at art exhibitions. They tend to intellectualise and verbalise art when they ought to just to feel. Each piece evokes different emotions in everyone. What we see is different from the other. What we interpret is different. That’s the whole point, pretentious arse holes! In my experience, art exhibitions are best attended in the company of children on Wednesday afternoons. Children's uncontaminated minds and high imagination are so much more receptive to abstraction. Anyhow, art should be fun and not taken so seriously.
Many artists have really nothing to say about themselves or their works. Kapoor has said that “having something to say implies that one is struggling with meaning”. He’s absolutely right! I pondered on this statement and came to the conclusion that art is a perfect paradigm of love. If you can precisely give reasons why you love someone, what it really means is that you are rationising your emotions. You are searching for reasons to love that person. I related my conclusion to what Allison once told me. She fell in love with her greatest, her only love, purely because of the way in which he threw the tea-towel over his shoulder whilst he was cooking!

The piece that impacted us most was Yellow, a huge concave-convex piece mounted on the massive wall. Kapoor attempted to recreate the pleasurable sense of awe that we feel when confronted by vast and threatening natural phenomena such as mountains or glaciers. He suggested that Yellow, drew the same sensation by immersing ourselves within a space in which our entire field of vision is occupied by singular experience of colour. Wow, we were truly awed! Maxine liked this piece best as it was the colour yellow and it reminded her of the sun. Beautiful piece, you really have to see it to experience the awe!

I realised upon exiting the exhibition that the gigantic Slug in sala 3 was quickly skipped by us and many exhibition goers. Personally, this was my favourite piece. I had so wanted to touch the blood red lacquer part but was aware of the  two guards standing nearby. Reading the pamphlet later, I learnt that  this piece deliberately sets up tension between desire and repulsion. Kapoor certainly evoked a strong desire within me to touch the vulva!

Anish Kapoor exhibition is a must for anyone who appreciates simplicity, sensuality and nature. It was just a shame that our experience was diluted by the masses. Though, all in all, it was another almost perfect day and I’m left to question what it means to love. Hmm!