We are in the first decade of the 21st century. Perhaps it was my mis-conception, but surely the new century, along with the fastly developed communications and technology, should be accompanied by a new era in liberalism, thinking and attitudes. This is not the case apparently. Attitudes and values are so deeply embedded in our psyche that it may take hundreds more years to change.
Marriage is a concept entrenched with this ancient value.
Life is simple: boy meets girl…..get married……and they live happily ever after!
Not so, as it would seem. What are the attributing factors that makes or break the bond? Difficulties to change are probably the main reason. We are so comfortable in believing we are right, in not seeing our selfishness. Our thinking is rigidly contained in our believes of rights and wrongs. List of other factors are endless, which will not be raised in this entry as it would take far too long.
What is apparent is that in today’s fast paced world, that the butterflies and the bees are finding it difficult to cross paths. Communal activities are limited, high tech gadgets mean we can exist without ever leaving home. Everything, including your sexual partner, is just a click away.
Recently I discovered that someone close to me has resorted to the traditional match making methods. Baffling concept as I thought the customs of match making had truly died, at least in the west. The reunion would be, for love, though conveniently contrived; the girl would be promised asylum and a comfortable life. The man would in turn have the perfect non-betraying wife, who, still retains the values one would expect from…..a wife! A curious premise, but everyone has the right to do as they wish.
The first meeting was with a girl 15 years his junior. What a disaster that proved to be. She was more interested in sending texts from her mobile phone than examining her potential mate.
The second girl was 8 years his junior. A more mature and weathered girl, who may have lived out her wild younger years and may be ready to settle down.
As I watch the behaviour of the couple in question, I actually began to see that this could work! My initial thoughts were that my pre-conceived views were quashed.
Why not? I said. We all accept that marriage implies compromises, this reunion only differ in that the compromises are clearly marked before any steps are taken. Everyone goes into the game with open hands.
However, as the day went by, I became sceptical. The couple could not communicate in their first language, surely this is the most fundamental fact for a happy reunion. This is not so as it may seem. Good verbal communications does not necessarily guarantee a long lasting relationship, at least for some people. One argument is that 70% of communications is done by body language, so perhaps verbal communications is not so important.
Another thought was how these two would conduct their daily lives. Well, on average couples spend 2-3 hours daily of quality time together, most of which is taken up by trivial chores and/or watching TV.
In olden days, an eligible man was more marriageable if he has a sizeable asset. Women are still seen as the weaker sex and for the older generations, or people who are stuck with this view, women will always be weaker. The idea that a man serves no more than to provide material wealth and do manly things around the house.
How can people still adhere to this idea? One could argue that if roles are clearly defined and the couple happily accept their role, then all would be well.
My scepticism is unfounded as I sit on my high pedestal voicing my disapproval.
I, myself have dabbled with online dating. Surely it’s the same. We sieve through potential candidates, subconsciously ticking or crossing points against certain fact. We spend time in seeking the truth about the other person, we spend months & years ‘getting to know’ the other person. And at the end of this time, can we really say that the fact are true or that we really know the other person? Why not get a match maker to do all the home work for you before the first meeting. Their emotional impartiality would result in a much more objective conclusion.
Food for thought!
Marriage is a concept entrenched with this ancient value.
Life is simple: boy meets girl…..get married……and they live happily ever after!
Not so, as it would seem. What are the attributing factors that makes or break the bond? Difficulties to change are probably the main reason. We are so comfortable in believing we are right, in not seeing our selfishness. Our thinking is rigidly contained in our believes of rights and wrongs. List of other factors are endless, which will not be raised in this entry as it would take far too long.
What is apparent is that in today’s fast paced world, that the butterflies and the bees are finding it difficult to cross paths. Communal activities are limited, high tech gadgets mean we can exist without ever leaving home. Everything, including your sexual partner, is just a click away.
Recently I discovered that someone close to me has resorted to the traditional match making methods. Baffling concept as I thought the customs of match making had truly died, at least in the west. The reunion would be, for love, though conveniently contrived; the girl would be promised asylum and a comfortable life. The man would in turn have the perfect non-betraying wife, who, still retains the values one would expect from…..a wife! A curious premise, but everyone has the right to do as they wish.
The first meeting was with a girl 15 years his junior. What a disaster that proved to be. She was more interested in sending texts from her mobile phone than examining her potential mate.
The second girl was 8 years his junior. A more mature and weathered girl, who may have lived out her wild younger years and may be ready to settle down.
As I watch the behaviour of the couple in question, I actually began to see that this could work! My initial thoughts were that my pre-conceived views were quashed.
Why not? I said. We all accept that marriage implies compromises, this reunion only differ in that the compromises are clearly marked before any steps are taken. Everyone goes into the game with open hands.
However, as the day went by, I became sceptical. The couple could not communicate in their first language, surely this is the most fundamental fact for a happy reunion. This is not so as it may seem. Good verbal communications does not necessarily guarantee a long lasting relationship, at least for some people. One argument is that 70% of communications is done by body language, so perhaps verbal communications is not so important.
Another thought was how these two would conduct their daily lives. Well, on average couples spend 2-3 hours daily of quality time together, most of which is taken up by trivial chores and/or watching TV.
In olden days, an eligible man was more marriageable if he has a sizeable asset. Women are still seen as the weaker sex and for the older generations, or people who are stuck with this view, women will always be weaker. The idea that a man serves no more than to provide material wealth and do manly things around the house.
How can people still adhere to this idea? One could argue that if roles are clearly defined and the couple happily accept their role, then all would be well.
My scepticism is unfounded as I sit on my high pedestal voicing my disapproval.
I, myself have dabbled with online dating. Surely it’s the same. We sieve through potential candidates, subconsciously ticking or crossing points against certain fact. We spend time in seeking the truth about the other person, we spend months & years ‘getting to know’ the other person. And at the end of this time, can we really say that the fact are true or that we really know the other person? Why not get a match maker to do all the home work for you before the first meeting. Their emotional impartiality would result in a much more objective conclusion.
Food for thought!
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